been 143 days since i hopped on here last which is about the half life for my tolerance for isolation, which means i can feel that sorta chemistry roiling inside, an armed with a plain tortilla in my mouth I roll up to the task at hand. 

been 36 hours since i last saw you and i have felt the full spectrum of emotion in that period. it ain’t even like i wont see you again, or like you’re gone for good, or like you see me differently. 

but i see myself differently, and the engine on which i built all this on needs a re-tune. there’s nothing so grating as something that’s almost right, something that’s 92% of the way there, one note that’s slightly out of tune, someone that’s good most of the time. 

and fuck that no one’s perfect shit, i’ll die reaching for perfection. 

i hope you smile when you think about me… i hope what i did doesn’t permeate thru the air you breathe, i hope you don’t get used to breathing polluted love like it can’t be better. 

like what dat heart do. beat for you. 

i like being home in michigan. i like looking at the stars and the night sky. even tho my human eyes dont work so good at night. kinda like im lookin at the deepness through a crinkled, night-colored cellophane candy wrapper. the sound of the semi far singular highway and the sight of the blue blackness from my childhood window is like a bed for my mind. 

from a brandywine dungeon

So, things are about to happen and I have a lot on my mind. I’m gonna put that lot here. Thoughts about the things that I have learned, so that others might benefit from them. Thoughts about what I am struggling with, so that I might benefit from others. Thoughts, I think, that would be better served put to text than to dissolve into the fabric, maybe to be recycled into the raw parts for new thoughts to form…

Here is my first thought: it took me 10 years to learn how to write a song. It took me half that time to understand what they mean by less is more, or that simplicity is difficult. It took me a third of that time to truly learn how to mix a song, master a song, and to make the hazy echoes I heard in my mind for years into a concrete, repeatable, listenable product. 

Lesson #1 is things take time. Lesson #1A is ignore lesson #1. There’s nothing like “patience” to suck the excitement right out of any endeavor. And it’s strange, because the only reason anyone does anything at all for 10 years is because they’re excited about it. Just know that, sometimes it’s better not to know how much you don’t know. When you’re ignorant of the true distance between you and success, when the finish line seems no more than a brief jog away, you’re, unsurprisingly, more likely to start running. And you’re not going anywhere without running. 

So, lesson #1, now divided into two parts, is already a bit complicated. Well there’s a third, #1B: get cocky. I tend to believe, it’s not worth starting something unless deep down you believe you’d be amazing at it. Or at least really good. The key, however, is where that belief comes from. Some people blindly and bullheaded-ly (Trump) will go to great lengths to convince themselves and others around them that they’re God’s gift to mankind. This becomes a pit of existential quicksand when there’s no evidence of any sort to suggest this. You should get cocky based on flashes of potential, or natural talent… or in the absence of both an insane work ethic. Just be real with yourself. 

Your cockiness, with the right measure of discipline and work ethic, will give way to drive, and with a bit of optimism, you’ll push through the many, many, many small battles that lie between you and achievement, thinking each one is like, the next to last (or maybe like the 3rd to last), and the finish line is right around the corner. A psychic carrot and stick. The lessons will never end. You will be moving, and that, above all, is most important. 

I don’t get people

who rewatch stuff over and over